There is a profound courage and strength in humbly proclaiming to God ‘Thy Will be done.’
It is in the loosening of our grasp on our own lives that we find true joy, peace, contentment and vigor. The moment we surrender our dreams and hopes, is the moment that Christ’s dreams and hopes for us are finally taken into affect.
T.B. LaBerge // Jesus, His Grace and the Gospel
To be honest, I don’t know where to begin
But how could I when all I’ve known is the end?
The end of reality’s eclipse when my mother tasted the force of my father’s fist
Or the end of my finger when it crawled down my throat when I went to the bathroom alone.
The end of the blade that I drug across my waist again and again in an attempt to breathe in the waves I was drowning in.
Or the end of Your light,
Yes, I remember vividly that tangible darkness that covered me four hundred and sixty eight long nights
And I can’t help but cringe whenever it blinds me from time to time again.
You see, all I’ve known is the end
Like a patient waiting to die
Doctor, doctor! Do you hear my cry?
Because this incision looks a little too wide
When He pulls out
Corrupted lungs, a sunken stomach
A broken heart, and an old pair of blind eyes
"For my good," He says
I begin to weep, Do you not see how much this hurts me?
All of a sudden I can breathe again
As He replaces my old with His new
It’s not until He restores my sight
That I see my blood on His hands
And I realize how much more it has hurt Him
Yet He looks up at me and says
"All because I love you enough to not let you stay that way."
Now He gives me a beginning every morning
And I never have to know an end again
There are days or weeks or even months when I read the Bible and there are no grand epiphanies.
There are whole seasons of Sundays when I sing praise and feel nothing.
There are times of prayer where the silence kills me.
There are great Christian books and podcasts that I eat up which don’t budge my spiritual life.
There are too many times when I doubt the very existence of God and the sending of His Son. It can all feel like a crazy lie.
I’m probably being too honest — but I’ve found that I’m not the only one who feels this way.
It’s in those times that I ask myself, “Am I out of love with God somehow? Am I losing my faith here? How do I get back to where I used to be?”
But I keep reading my Bible. I keep singing on Sundays. I keep praying. I soak in books and sermons. I serve. I enjoy the company of mature Christians. I enjoy the fellowship of the broken.
And you know what? Sometimes the clouds part and God comes through and His love squeezes my heart and I fall to my knees remembering how good He is. Then I read Scripture and can’t stop weeping and I turn on Christian songs in my car full blast and sing loud enough to scare the traffic. I serve with shaking hands and get convicted by those sermons and soak in God’s goodness all over again.
So I’ve learned over time: I wasn’t really out of love with God. I’m just a fragile human being who changes as much as the weather. I was setting a ridiculous standard for myself that can’t be defined by self-pressuring parameters. I was tricked by the enemy into judging my flesh. My faith is based on His grace and not my feelings. And I think I need to relax.
Tears. (via crimsonandsnow)
I think every once in a while the heart just needs to take time to mourn loss. I think we just need to take time to acknowledge that nothing is ours and the only constant thing we have is the love of Jesus. We need to take time to remember how special every moment is.
T.B. LaBerge // The Novel of Us
I’ve been reading lists that tell me how to live
some say I should have gone to bed an hour ago
others, that sleep is for people
that don’t have enough going on in their lives.
Some days I will wake up early
and go to work on time
and there will be mornings
that I will hit the…